Temples, Flash Mobs, and Evacuations, Oh My!

The last few days, what insanity! And to think I'm about to type it all. Take a restroom break, grab a snack, this is gonna be a LOOOOOONG one!
*waits for all readers to return*
All right? Ready? Well hurry up then! Okay! Here we go!

Saturday: The Temple Trip.
So the church rented a "party bus" and after cleaning the YSA church house, we took the 2 hour trek out to Oakland to visit the Temple there. We took a tour of the Christmas lights.

It was wet, and foggy and sooooo pretty in person but unfortionately, terrible for cameras! We went into the Visitor's Center to watch the Joesph Smith movie, at the end of which, I was soooo mad! No one told me he was killed! Not cool!
After the movie and after we stuffed outselves with pizza, we explored the grounds again and I took a ton of pictures, all of which can be found on my facebook. Because of the wetness, we sought shelter within the Visitor's Center once more and looked at all the pretty paintings. It was during which, I was approached by a sister missionary with probably one of the most interesting accents I've ever heard. What it was, I regret to say, I don't know. I must have talked with her for more than half an hour, telling her about my life and how it was that I began to seek the church. And she showed me a scripture I hadn't gotten to yet (I'm still reading Mosiah) and its now my new favorite:

Now, we will compare the word

unto a seed. Now, if ye give place,

that a seed may be planted in your

heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or

a good seed, if ye do not cast it out

by your unbelief, that ye will resist

the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will

begin to swell within your breasts;

and when you feel these swelling

motions, ye will begin to say within

yourselves - It must needs be that

this is a good seed, or that the word

is good, for it beginneth to en-

lighten my understanding, yea, it

beginneth to be delicious to me.

- ALMA 32:28

I'm actually thinking of drawing or even trying my hand at painting something to represent this scripture. Yes, I think I shall.

We arrived back at the church house and President Evans drove some of us girls home. He was chatty and asked us our favorite parts.

I had a lot of fun and I wish the Sac Temple was as nice and had a Visitor's Center. I also wish it was accesible by the train that passes it on my way to work.

Unfortionately, when I came home, the happiness left me. I went outside to feed my rabbits. I only have two left as one died last year and two I found good homes. I opened Coppers' cage and he didn't run to his bowl and give me his funny little attitude. He laid on his side. I poked him and he did not move. I set aside the scoop of food and shook him. He was very stiff. I only sighed and gave both servings of food to Snowflake. I think she was pleased. I came inside and to my mother, I said, "He's dead,"

"Little Girl?" she asked. It's Snowflake's nickname.

"No, Big Boy," That was Coppers' nickname.

I couldn't bury him. It was too cold and too dark. Its difficult to dig holes when the ground is cold and difficult to see what you're digging into when its dark. But I couldn't sleep knowing he would go soft by morning and it would be difficult to handle him. Around 2 30 in the morning, I got out of bed, I fetched a garbage bag and went outside and placed him inside. He was still very stiff. He felt like a stuffed rabbit and his eyes hadn't even glazed over yet.

Sunday: Services and the Baptism of Samantha and Cortnie.

It was the first time I've ever partaken in Sacrament yesterday and I hope I can keep the promise. So far, I've already cursed a few too many times. President Evans seemed to presiding or hosting or however its done. I don't fully understand just yet. Its funny because this isn't even his stake. But he's friendly with the YSA and I think he was there for the baptism and the confirmation of another girl, Lauren. It was a very interesting day and it showed a lot of what I am getting myself into.

He began to talk about the Oakland trip and then, came the surprise.

"I was taking a group of Sisters home and I was asking them of their favorite parts and I was surprised. At the temple, we watched the Joesph Smith movie and it was very uplifting and full of The Spirit and when I asked this, they each expressed that that was their favorite part. But I was surprised by one of their answers. She is a none member..."

My head whipped from side to side, turning to each girl who had been in the car. No! Each of them had been baptized! They had all been raised in the Church! I was the Odd Man Out!

"... and when I asked her, she expressed that her favorite part was talking to one of the Sister Missionaries. This Sister had come from another country ..."

It was odd how I felt at the moment as he continued and never used my name to my relief. I seemed to tunnel vision, almost, in utter shock. He had qouted me, qouted something I had seen as no big deal and had actually forgotten ever saying it until he had said it. It was so interesting, that feeling.

Classes went on and after the three hour block, we were asked to stay for the baptism. Poor Cortnie had to be baptized twice because she panicked and her knees flailed upwards. It was funny as she ran out of the water and she was out of our sight but we all could hear her slip and begin to giggle and as Ashton was forced to tell her she needed to come back because of her knees, we could hear her voice: "Are you serious?!"

I'm sure my hair will betray me during my baptism. Maybe I should consider braiding it to make it heavier.

By time I was home, it was already dark and still, I could not bury my poor rabbit.

Monday: Flash Mob and FHE

Coppers was buried this morning. I am grateful that I bagged him because he had already become a bag of rotting meat and maggots. It would have been too heart breaking to bury him had I not bagged him.

Today was the day of the flash mob. I've been waiting all week for it but I could not find a ride to it so instead, I went caroling with the YSA. We sang at several member houses and even at some non member houses. It was fun. One house, as we began to sing: "Bring us some figgy pudding," we were all surprised to recieve a large plate of homemade toffee! I do believe this family was forwarned!

I got home and dad realed in with the questions. "Hey, were you guys singing at that flash mob?"

"I was supposed to but I forgot to find a ride before hand and I couldn't go."

"It's a good thing you didn't!"

"What happened?"

What happened, indeed! The mall had been evacuated because of the flash mob. Apparently there were too many participating and the mall began to collapse in a sense. Allow me to explain that this is the same mall that was just recently reopened after nearly being burned to the ground last month. Rebuilt too hastily perhaps?

Here's the News Article courtesty of the Sac Bee

Well, so thats that. I think now, I'll go out and continue watching the Lunar Eclipse. It's almost full now.

Cool, huh?

Shoved to the Ground. Get to Your Feet.

"I'mma be what I set out to be
without a doubt undoubtedly."

"And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Gonna put my life together right now"

Both quotes from "Not Afraid" by Eminem

So yeah, kinda stuck on an Eminem binge lately. Just so irritated now! I'm sitting here, staying up, waiting for my school's website to stop giving me this bloody error:

System Unavailable

We are experiencing technical problems with our eServices and online class search sites. We hope to have the problems fixed soon. Please check back frequently.

And this all started this morning, (Dec 13 so technically yesterday morning) trying to check on my enrollment. They told me it wouldn't officially enroll me until today and when I go to check on it, 2 of my classes are filled and I'm not in 'em! So yeah, super pissed. Okay, whatever. I check again when I get home from FHE, ALL of my classes are filled.
So I check other classes, check the same classes at other campuses. I find Fiction Writing Workshop available at SCC and just I hit "Enroll," the damned thing gives me this bloody error. So if I wait till morning, someone might have filled it and I lost out... again. So I'm staying up and I don't know how long this is going to take. I'm sick and tired of this BS!

On the lighter note. Going to the Temple on Saturday with the YSA to see the pretty lights and watch the Joesph Smith movie in the Theater there. So bringing my camera for this one!
Oh, Oh! AND!!! I got invited to participate in a Flash Mob at the Roseville Gallery! I'm so freaking excited! We're gonna walk into the food court and just randomly start singing Christmas songs. Gonna be AWESOME!
Oh AND!!!!!!! I get to watch this chick, Courtney's, Baptism after services, the coming Sunday.

*Deep breath*
Okay, overly excited.
*Refreshes page*
And the system is STILL down. ARGH!

Of Good Courage?

An Entry from my diary written somewhere around one in the morning:

I'm lying here tonight, pondering the things that brought me here: my life. I'm examining the scars on my wrists and thinking of the state of mind I was in when I put them there... that immense emptiness, that need for control. In a story by Charles DiAmbrosio, he wrote in dialogue, "The doctor says I do it to put the pain where I can see it." If those aren't the exact words, sue me. Those words stuck out to me 'cuz I think thats why I did it but not so I can see it but for everyone else to see it. I wanted Cortney to see it that day. I wanted someone to ask so that I could lie about it... again. I never suspected it would be my last time doing it. 8 months now? It the longest I've gone since I started. And I don't want to. That look on her face, that acknowledgement as she confronted me on it... it was all I needed. Such immense relief... Cortney said once, "As soon as you ask for help, you immediately shut down." Again, if those aren't the exact words, sue me. That girl's too damn smart if you ask me. Gonna have to start feeding her paint chips just so I can keep up with her.
I started to get help with the molestation (God, I hate that f**king word) and as soon as it started to get real, I took off. I told myself it wasn't working, told myself it wasn't worth the money. Truth was, I got scared.
Truth is, I wanna embrace my faith, but I'm scared of that too.

Odd Man Out

Today was my first visit to the local church here in Rancho Cordova in over a decade. Its funny. I visited the chuch house in Mesa more times than I've ever visited the one here.
I walked in and looked around. I planned to sit in the back and observe and to listen. I had planned to stay under the radar... Had...
Her name was Stefanie and she invited me to sit with her and her family. The military would be envious of radar this accurate. Maybe I looked confused, maybe they just know everyone there, or maybe they're told by God.
I sang out of tune, and began to simply mouth the words. I'll work on following along with these hymn books before I work on singing them. I listened to testimonies and I wonder if one day I might be one of these people, so optimistic despite the troubles of this world.
Now, I do have a bone to pick with many of you whom I told I was doing this today. If you know something that I don't, please feel free to warn me. "Are you going to stay for the second hour?" Stefanie asked.
"Uhhh, I thought - ? Um, okay?"
Seriously, I thought classes were only for the little ones. Stefanie gave me the choice but since I was new, I decided I'd go where the new people went. It was a nice little class and it answered quite a lot of my questions about the Temple with having to actually ask, so that was a bonus.
To my teacher, I expressed my concerns about my mother after class. As you might have guessed, my mother knows nothing about this blog. We spoke with the Elders as well and soon, someone will get in touch with me to start my home lessons at too kindly, my teachers home. I won't get my lessons from the missionaries I met with. According to where I live, its the other ward's responsibility though I think I want to stay with the Rossmoor ward because my next door neighbors don't much like me and I try to avoid them. I was once best friends with their youngest girl and as many know about me, I have a tendency to burn bridges.
"Do you know where to go next?"
"Um, uh, no."
I was led to the room where the singing was coming from and I found a seat. Again, I was invited to sit by someone. Kindness and social behavior can make me uncomfortable. Its terrible, I know.
When all was done, the missionaries found me again and took me aside. They asked if I was baptized and I told them, "no."
"That's what I thought but people were saying you were."
This whole place already knew of my presence?
They explained the 18th of December, baptisms would be done. I nodded. "Will you follow Christ's example and be baptized?"
I yanked the Emergency Break. "I'm no where near ready for that. I haven't even finished reading the Book of Mormon. I want to be sure that this is what I want."
And here we are, home, typing this whole blog on my Blackberry because I'm too lazy to turn on my laptop. I wonder, is there something wrong with me or are these people just too friendly? Why is when someone tries to make me comfortable, I am at my most uncomfortable state of mind? They place their hands on my shoulder and I flinch!
I ask, what am I getting myself into?