How I Wonder

You asked me why I joined the church and at first I thought you were accusing me of joining only for you. Still, though, I wonder...
You didn't know the person I was, how ugly, how vengeful, how vindictive and angry. And even now I hide the fear. How I wonder what you'd think of me if only you'd known me before I found this happiness, this revelation, this truth. If you saw these scars and I told you what they were from. If you knew what gave me the title, "Survivor," and why the only songs I know how to sing are the sad ones...
But I want you to know this, I did not join for you, I joined for the things I'm too scared to reveal. You're only the second best thing to ever happen to me. The first happened under the water...